Ode to Jeremy Spake
Oh roly-poly Mr Spake
When you’re on my box I shake.
I go all moist like carrot-cake.
You make my special places ache.
I lust for all your manly charms;
… Your many chins, your flabby arms
Your lovely voice, your sweaty palms;
Your total lack of shame or qualms.
Your cheeks are like two lovely pies
With gravy twinkling in your eyes.
Pilsbury Dough Boy, won’t you rise
And let me baste your meaty thighs?
I want to make mad love to you
Between the clips on Points of View
But first, must ask one thing of you…
What exactly do you do?
I found this today. One of my celebrity odes. Mr Spake hasn’t been on TV for some time. He became famous as the multi-lingual airport worker in BBC’s reality show ‘Airport’ some years ago and subsequently attempted to forge a career in the media.
I suspect he was a bit too nice, and had little to offer other than his fluent Russian.