Roddy Williams – The Atheist Poet

Posts tagged “nuns

Nuns!

Christmas is coming, very very very fastly.
But panic not, readers! There’s still time to order that extra-special gift for a loved one, and what says ‘I love you more than kittens at xmas’ better than a book packed with poems about nuns. Buy one now.

https://www.bobbooks.co.uk/bookshop/photobook/nuns

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Sister Sarstedt (2013)

This is an excerpt from my book ‘Nuns’, written and illustrated by my good self and available here

http://www.bobbooks.co.uk/bookshop/nuns

and which will make a marvellous Christmas present for any Catholics you may number among your friends and family (and anyone else for that matter). Order now to avoid disappointment.

This should be read aloud in a Welsh accent, preferably accompanied by a friend on the accordion. The ‘Ha ha ha ha’ is particularly important and should be announced in a slightly sarcastic and cynical manner as Peter Sarstedt did on the original ‘Where Do You Go To My Lovely?’

Sister Sarstedt

You talk like there’s bread in your dentures
You dance like there’s bats in your hair
And you sing like the thing with a string in its back
that you won in the Oswestry fair…
for chucking hoops… la la la la

Where do you go to my sister
When you’re alone in your cell
dressed in that simple immaculate wimple
that shows off your chin rolls so well

I remember the back streets of Wrexham
where you waltzed in the street to the sound
of Rhosnesni Pete machettying meat
to sell off at three bob a pound
for making scouse… la la la la

So where do you go to my sister
when you’re alone in your fast
I’m writing this slowly because I’m aware
that you never could read very fast

You said that when you got married
it would be to Big Geoff from Caego
but you went and you married that Jesus because
he was dead and he couldn’t say no
or run away…. and hide in Rhyl.

So where do you go to my sister
When you’re alone in your prayer?
Are you licking your lips in the bakers
With your eyes on a Samson Eclair?

I remember that night in the Walnut
with Megan the Milk from the Wern
And while she was drinking you went to her float
And you stuck your big toe in her churn
just for a laugh… ha ha ha ha

So where do you go to my sister
When you’re alone in your bed?
Is it the Egerton, King Street
Or the car park behind the Nags Head?